Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - February 2013

01/02/13  ||  Global Domination

Bombs Of Hades: The serpent’s redemption

7.4/10

Lord K: Swedish under-produced (read: old-school) death metal that would have done so much better with a decent sound picture. They got the riffs (Entombed would be proud) and they got the groove. I dig it. 7

Habakuk: Filthy old school death with a crust. There is no reason not to check this out. 7

CadenZ: When you go death metal, you go dirty. You go dirty, and mean. Mean as a motherfucker. 8

BamaHammer: “Lay down your soul to the gods of death!” Fucken A. This is a competent Swedish death metal band with a sound that’s just unique enough to stand out in a crowded universe of Swedish death metal bands. 7

Sokaris: Filthy, raw, crusty, thrashy death metal. I like the mid-paced Bolt Thrower vibe on “Crawl away and bleed forever” a hell of a lot. 8

Grand Supreme Blood Court: Bow down before the blood court

7.2/10

Lord K: Vocalist extra-ordinaire van Drunen is everywhere these days, and I certainly don’t mind. GSBC aren’t giving Hail Of Bullets or Asphyx a run for their money just yet though. 6

Habakuk: Just how many bands with essentially the same line-up, sound and songwriting does the world need, Mr van Drunen? Can’t argue about a certain quality, though, if you like Asphyx. 6

CadenZ: We don’t need no brains. This is fucken death metal. What we need is a sharp-as-fuck guitar sound, some slammin’ riffs and a deranged vocalist. Well, fuck me sideways with Moby Dick, but this still could’ve used some brains. 7

BamaHammer: That’s a dumbass moniker. And that’s a mighty fine album. Sounds like Asphyx is back on track with this one. 8

Sokaris: Some people complained that there were basically two Asphyx albums in 2012. Fuck some people. “But honey, you gave me a blowjob yesterday, I don’t want another one.” 9

Incantation: Vanquish in vengeance

7.2/10

Lord K: More old-school death metal that does what it’s supposed to do without any surprises. It’s lacking the catchiness of AA-colleagues Bombs Of Hades, but that’s a common problem when it comes to US death metal bands. That closing tune “Legion of Dis” is a fucken joke though. Should just have left that out. 5

Habakuk: After the fellows in Immolation have already discovered good production jobs a while back, Incantation follow suit, losing some of their evil vibe but still dishing out high quality, sludge-ridden death metal. And no more shitty cover artworks! 8

CadenZ: Fuck all who ain’t lovin’ this foul-smelling concoction of biley death. Just hold yer nose and swallow, bitch. 8

BamaHammer: I have always had a tough time getting into Incantation. No idea why. Their stuff is not something that I’ll ever listen to over and over again. I just find it too monotonous. If you like their other shit, you’ll like this. Sounds exactly the same. 6

Sokaris: Not that Incantation have even come close to a bad album but this is a hell of an upswing from their last few. The ‘tation for which you’ve gained appreciation with slightly better presentation. 9

Nominon: The cleansing

7.0/10

Lord K: Old-school black/death metallers Nominon’s been flying under my radar ever since they first started out. “The cleansing” is sounding like it’s expected to sound. Fuck you think, they’re from Sweden, damnit! 6

Habakuk: Ain’t nuttin wrong here, but in the end, it’s death metal and that’s all. 7

CadenZ: Is mosh? Is mosh! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! 7

BamaHammer: Prong called. They said your album title is badass. I say your death metal is pretty fucken good. It’s heavy, fast, brutal, and groovy. What more could you want? Oh right, just a little more identity. 7

Sokaris: Nominon seem to have plateaued in popularity after storming onto the scene years ago. They’ve maintained a high level of quality and seem to hit that sweet spot between modern and oldschool that I always appreciate in my death. 8

Paradox: Tales of the weird

7.0/10

Lord K: Long-running Germans Paradox have churned out some really fine thrash metal the last few years and “Tales of the weird” is no exception. If you can live with the semi-annoying vocals and dig your thrash metal Germany-ish – you’ll dig this. 7

Habakuk: That singer listened very closely to Iced Earth’s hooks. The rest of the band take it a little thrashier, but I miss either more catchiness or more aggression. Still this might just hit the spot for someone else. 6

CadenZ: Dude can shred. Otherwise OK thrash but no cigar. 6

BamaHammer: German power thrash with Christian Münzner on guitar? You have my attention. Starting the album off with a pompous 9-minute opus probably wasn’t the best idea in the world, but this is some quality shit. 8

Sokaris: Thrashy, gritty power metal with adventurous songwriting and some breathtaking lead work (courtesy of Obscura/Spawn of Possession/ex-Necrophagist dude Christian Münzner. Respect for having the balls to open with a nine minute song. 8

Storm Corrosion: Storm corrosion

6.3/10

Lord K: Music for musicians and people who like to trip? There’s no denying the talent of Opeth’s Mike and that other guy Steven, but this is just beyond what I can digest and appreciate, I’m simply not artistic enough in my thinking. And no, it’s not even remotely metal. The pretentiousness is sky-rocketing though. 4

Habakuk: Mikael Åkerfeldt continues his trip to as far away from metal as possible. Don’t be fooled by the moniker. Anyway, if you give this a little time, I bet it’s nice in its hypnotic atmosphere. 7

CadenZ: Haunting atmospheres, suggestive soundscapes, sublime melodies…this is everything you could wish for on a non-metal/rock album made by the Åkerfeldt/Wilson tag team. They must’ve two-man circle jerked their brains out to be able to produce this kind of trippy shit. 8

Note: BamaHammer and Sokaris were too intoxicated by the fumes emanating from this album to decipher the messages popping up in their minds to anything better than “Mhaagggrillloooooosssnnassnaassnnaass…!!!!”, so we thought we’d spare you from some painful reading.

Wintersun: Time I

5.6/10

Lord K: Fucken Nintendo metal. 3

Habakuk: I’m so out of touch with the people that have waited for this and now go to great lengths arguing about its supposed flaws and strengths. To me it sounds like Wintersun? 6

CadenZ: The first album was nothing short of amazing, the wait was nothing short of amazingly infuriating, and the disappointment that both of those things paved way for was…not that big, actually. “Time I” is a good album, but nowhere near the epicness of the eponymous debut. 7

BamaHammer: It took 8 years for fanboys to get rid of that WintErection. And this is all they have to show for it. Plenty of fairy keyboards though, so at least this album has that going for it. 5

Sokaris: I hate to call it a disappointment since it’s a strong effort but it’s got the weight of close to a decade of anticipation and hype. Some of the orchestral pomp replaces the band’s best elements (shredding guitars, grinding drums) unfortunately. What’s good is amazing though. 7

Sylosis: Monolith

5.0/10

Lord K: American plague-ish metal from… England? Doesn’t matter what country it’s from, it’s still too close to the dreaded plague metal genre I so despise. 4

Habakuk: Painting your cover art like Alfons Mucha does nothing for the identity of your modern death/thrash. 6

CadenZ: Syphilis? Why would you… oh. Fuck you then. A bit. 6

BamaHammer: My melodic death metal ship hath sailed. 4

Sokaris: What did we, as a world, do to deserve ten years of bands playing inferior versions of old Shadows Fall? On one hand, this is a pale imitation of that band’s pioneering works. On the other hand, this is still better than that band’s last album. On the third hand (what I call my dick) this is just isn’t all that great either way. 5

War From A Harlots Mouth: Voyeur

3.6/10

Lord K: I didn’t even know German metalcore existed. Now, after hearing these guys, I wish it never did. 2

Habakuk: Drumming demo plus retardedly distorted guitars. A lot is happening, achieved: nothing. 4

CadenZ: Very technical, like a metalcore version of Meshuggah. In terms of style, not quality, mind you. Mind you very many!! 5

BamaHammer: RRRRRRRAAAAAAAARRRRRGH BREAKDOWWWWWWWWN GRRRAAAAARRRRGH. 2

Sokaris: Even the -core bands are going dissonant now? There’s some interesting composition but it mostly seems to come across by accident. Still, I’ll take this over watered down Gothenburg with pussy singing any damn day. 5

Magnum: On the 13th day

3.4/10

Lord K: Who the FUCK ever listens to Magnum and more importantly: why? 2

Habakuk: Their last album caught me by surprise. This time it’s a little harder for them, but still this has some quality moments. 6

CadenZ: As much as I like Magnum’s albums from the 80’s, this doesn’t fucking cut it. 4

BamaHammer: Magnum: The extra large condom. Magnum: the band with the tiny penis. Something’s gotta give. 2

Sokaris: Metal is awesome. Classical music is awesome. Sucking at both simultaneously is a crime. This is like if Savatage was castrated and lobotomized. 3

Corroded: State of disgrace

3.2/10

Lord K: These fuckos are quite popular in my native Sweden. That shows how incredibly fucken useless mankind is. 3

Habakuk: Undeniably, these guys bring some energy, but what they’re spending it on appears a bit bland. 5

CadenZ: When you mix bass, you mix it loud. But, seriously, there’s a limit, which we’re far beyond here. The few times the vocalist sounds like Zakk Wylde instead of the emo crooner he really is, Corroded catch my attention. 3

BamaHammer: More boring, brainless hard rock for a band I couldn’t give less of a fuck about. 3

Sokaris: It’s almost refreshing to see a Swedish band that in fact, sucks asshole. You can’t blame us Americans for this one, ya surly fucken Vikings. 2

Adler: Back from the dead

3.0/10

Lord K: In between bitching about how much he wants Guns to do a reunion with the original members (out of money, anyone?) and his love for Slash, Steven managed to form his own band that no one will ever give a shit about. It doesn’t completely suck, it’s just absolutely irrelevant and no one will give a shit about it. 3

Habakuk: “Adler” means “eagle” in German. And this sucks “Hahn”. Happy translating. 3

CadenZ: Like Bud Light, “Back from the Dead” is tasteless, bland and will never inhabit my home again. 3

BamaHammer: Sounds like John Corabi era Mötley Crüe, and that’s never been a good thing. 3

Sokaris: It’s interesting that we’re reviewing another solo release from a Guns ‘n Roses member. The other was from guitarist Slash, who’s featured here. And by interesting I mean limpdicked-receeding-hairline-taint-rock. 3

Skunk Anansie: Black traffic

3.0/10

Lord K: Yep, Skin’s sounding exactly like she did on that super-hit “Weak” back in the 90’s. That’s a good thing. A bad thing is that Skunk’s always been absolutely retardedly uninteresting on most other accounts. 4

Habakuk: Skunk Anansie – This name had been erased from my memory years ago. Now I remember why. Wannabe-aggressive shit that reminds me of P!nk, and whatever people like about that singer, I don’t. 2

CadenZ: Ananas, aka pineapple, rings are the best penis rings ever, they give your wife a sweet treat when sucking business is commenced. 3

BamaHammer: What the tap-dancing fuck? 1

Sokaris: Some decent riffing pops up occasionally and the electronics are handled in a way that’s much less awkward than what most modern hard rock bands would do. The vocals seem to waver between pleasant and piss-poor. 5

The 69 Eyes: X

2.6/10

Lord K: Jyrki 69’s vocals annoy me to no end. And then we have the music on top of it… A recipe for disaster. 3

Habakuk: Soooo Finnish. Eyeliner rock for depressive winter girls. 3

CadenZ: If Johan Edlund (Tiamat) wrote songs for Rammstein, they’d sound better than this crap. 3

BamaHammer: I’ve got 99 problems, and 69 of them are eyes. 2

Sokaris: I’d say this sucks dick but that just doesn’t seem right. Sucking dick brings joy into people’s lives and it’s a talent that should be celebrated. This thing doesn’t deserve to be called a dick-sucker, it sits in the corner of the room and starts throwing criticism and relaying tales of memorable bowel movements during someone else’s blowjob and just ruins it for everybody. 2

Hinder: Welcome to the freakshow

2.4/10

Lord K: This is some quite disgusting radio music that is impossible to not nod your head to. That’s the whole problem. 4

Habakuk: Let me guess, these guys are all over 40. What, no? Oh, but they’re named alongside Nickelback. Fine. 3

CadenZ: When aliens invade Earth and pillage our asses, there’s some stuff even they don’t wanna know about. Obvious things that come to mind include religion, Bud Light, skullets and this album. 1

BamaHammer: All these shitty, boring radio hard rock garbage bands should give it a rest for a few decades. We have plenty of this shit. 2

Sokaris: Hinder really appeals to a wide crowd. Empty-headed teenage radio rockers and their biker-bait STD-laden moms can enjoy this together. 2